This is a topic I recently discussed with my psychologist, about growth.
When a person is still an infant, they cry when they are hungry or uncomfortable, and then they get milk; they cry when they are wet and uncomfortable, and then they get a new diaper. They believe themselves to be all-powerful, that this world is operated by their own will.
As they grow older, they gradually realize that the milk being fed to them and the frequently changed diapers are operated by caregivers (usually parents), and that this caregiver is always by their side. They begin to depend on this all-powerful caregiver and believe that this caregiver will not abandon them; whenever they need something, the caregiver will be there, and the caregiver can fulfill all of their wishes.
Then, as they enter adolescence, they suddenly discover that their caregiver is not all-powerful, and may even be quite inadequate, thus generating anger, dissatisfaction, and resentment towards the caregiver. Essentially, it is the collapse of the belief in an all-powerful self and an all-powerful caregiver.
After maturing, they slowly realize that both themselves and the caregiver are ordinary people. There will always be some wishes in life that cannot be fulfilled, so they gradually accept reality, and their relationship with themselves and the caregiver becomes harmonious.
Everyone's growth is a process of continuously accepting reality. A healthy life experience allows for enough time to grieve and understand that we have nothing to rely on, that each person is fundamentally alone, and to gradually give up unrealistic fantasies.
The aforementioned healthy life experiences, for example, if a child has been taken care of pretty well, meaning that the parents unconditionally satisfied him when he was very young, cared for his emotions and feelings, and tried to understand him, these children grow up to be very cooperative.However, sometimes some unaccepted wishes are suppressed and may be awakened in subsequent intimate relationships, because there is still an expectation that intimate relationships can bring us particularly perfect, particularly safe experiences.Therefore, sometimes a person who is very tolerant of others can become capricious in intimate relationships.
In China's traditional concept, only the outcome of growing old together is considered a good ending. But in fact, if a relationship is unhappy, one can leave. What is called more mature emotion is realizing the imperfection of the other party but still willing to be with this person; but in reality, it is often not the case. Sometimes it is for the sake of taking care of the children that one stays together; sometimes it is due to economic reasons that one stays together; sometimes it is because of the fear of loneliness that one stays together.
that overcomes the bad part, but rather a compromise and concession to reality.