At the opening ceremony of NUS Chinese EMBA program, Professor Fu Qiang shared a story about a Vietnamese War prisoner-of-war camp:
US Navy Admiral James Stockdale recalled what kind of people his fallen comrades were, and he said, "They said we would be out by Christmas, but Christmas passed; then they said we would be out by Easter, but Easter also passed; then came Thanksgiving, and then another Christmas. In the end, they died with broken hearts."
As for how he managed to persevere in the face of uncertainty about the outcome, General Stockdale replied, "I never lost faith in the future. I never doubted that I would walk out of the prisoner-of-war camp, nor did I doubt that I would achieve ultimate victory, and could transform this experience into the most important event in my life. Looking back, it was an invaluable treasure."
Coincidentally, a similar incident occurred in Nazi concentration camps.
In Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning," there is a similar account in the memoir section. Many prisoners did not survive the Christmas of 1944 because they kept thinking they would be home by Christmas. However, when the harsh reality arrived, many lost hope of living on. As one of the less than 4% survivors of the Nazi concentration camps, Frankl always held onto hope.
Both of these similar stories reflect two things:
Never doubting the future, this is a quality of hope and also a personality tendency. For example, some people just believe that the world is good and they can be treated kindly; others think there are always bad people who want to harm them. This quality of hope is related to both innate temperament and growing environment. Because it is an irrational feeling at the emotional level, if a child's needs are met well during their growth process, such as having food when hungry, even if one time the food comes late, they still believe the food will eventually come, and this delay in satisfaction actually helps them mobilize psychological resources to take care of themselves.
Another aspect is whether or not difficulties are denied. Many people didn't make it through Christmas because they denied the reality that Christmas might not bring freedom. This is also related to a sense of competence. The stronger the sense of competence, the stronger the willpower to face difficulties rather than deny the real challenges; conversely, those with weaker competence tend to deny the harsh realities, believing life must be good and easy.
In Frankl's book, he said: "There is one thing you cannot take away from a person, and that is the precious freedom to choose one's own attitude and behavior in any environment." Therefore, in the face of disaster, he still chose an optimistic attitude and positive behavior.
Regarding how to find meaning in life, Frankl gave three answers: achieve something in your career; find someone to love; and endure the trials of hardship.
This book was recommended to me by my psychiatrist because we have recently been discussing the issue of war-related depression. When the macro environment gives us a great deal of frustration, or many things beyond our control occur, how should we face them?
To be a psychologically flexible person means not catastrophizing problems or purifying matters, but accepting the imperfections in events and ourselves. Future thinking involves stepping out of the present moment and understanding the problems we currently face through future emotions. Because when we are caught up in situations, our thinking becomes rigid. However, stepping out of the current mindset can help us detach from our own emotions and gain more external perspectives. As long as our sense of self is not overwhelmed, we can avoid excessive emotional reactions affecting our judgment of situations.
Moreover, we can conduct deeper analyses to understand where our strong emotions come from. This is helpful for psychological growth because the emotions we were unable to handle as children can be understood and addressed later in life, allowing us to transcend time and care for our younger selves. This step is an important part of psychoanalysis. Although early experiences leave their mark, we are no longer the same as we were back then; we now have a deeper understanding of people and things.
Absolute rational objectivity does not exist, but healthy individuals can adjust their thoughts, acknowledge their imperfections, accept that they will make mistakes, recognize their many shortcomings, and also understand the flaws in the world.
We should neither pessimistically give up nor blindly be optimistic. While pessimists may be correct, optimists tend to succeed. However, the test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind and still retain the ability to act. With a clear understanding of circumstances, strive to remain hopeful about the future.
Be a pessimistic optimist.